Thursday, September 16, 2010

Am I sick or not?!

I saw a new rheumy today. I was thinking, I have a diagnosis so all he needs to do is go over my meds, take my history, examine me and just follow how I'm doing. Routine labs, med tweaking when needed. All the stuff I came to know and expect after I was diagnosed.

WRONG!!!! This guy doesn't believe I have any kind of auto immune disease. Yes, I am ANA+ but that can mean anything. I understand that BUT when I also have APS, inflammation of the blood vessels, AKA vasculitis right?!, anti thyroid antibodies, high ESR, seizures, massive hair loss, a rash on my face (& chest), sun sensitivity, virtually NO vitamin D in my system at all and Raynaund's how can I NOT have an auto immune disease?! Did I mention the debilititing fatigue?! I didn't? Well that is a huge part of my life, just ask my kids...

HELLO!!!!! Are you a doctor or what?! Even a first year med student would be able to tell that something isn't right with me. This guy told me all the meds I'm on were to treat different things. No kidding. I have several different problems. The MTX, plaquenil, prednisone & folic acid are for my "so called lupus or connective tissue disease." I use quotes because that's what he did. I'm on others for pain, depression & sleep. Ummmm.... I'm on nothing to help me sleep. I was told that these meds ***might*** help me sleep and of course they don't. Yes, I'm taking an anti depressant because it helps prevent headaches and it's supposed to help with chronic pain. I'm on *I don't remember the full name*pam to help with the seizures & twitching I'm not having. Apparently, the episodes that my entire family and my neurologist witnessed didn't really happen. If they didn't happen then why on Earth was I in the hospital for 5 days 2 years ago and why was I flopping around on my bed like a frickin' fish out of water just a few months ago. Can you see my eyes rolling yet? Oh I'm an attention seeking hypochondriac. Got it. My pain isn't real. The swelling isn't real. The fact that my blood wants to stick together and make lots of clots is something *I* made up in my head. Sure thing. I had never heard of this stuff until July '09 when I was diagnosed with lupus and all this other crap. But I don't have lupus according to this doc.

I'm moving on. This doc didn't examine me. He didn't see me try to get out of the chair, try to walk or anything. He didn't see my swollen hand and I guess he didn't see my face. See I'm tapering down from the pred because I've been on it for about a year now and when I taper down my body doesn't like it. I tend to get this red rash on my face & chest. But I guess that's all in my head too. Oh wait... I have pictures of myself with a red rash. I must have photoshopped them so I'd look like I have lupus. Ya know, I have nothing better to do with my time then to make up these medical issues. Eye roll again. Did you see it this time?

I'm calling tomorrow to cancel my next appt with this guy and set one up with another rheumy. I'll get my previous labs, I didn't have a chance to get them before now because this appt came up so fast, and I'm getting a new set done. I don't know what they're going to show seeing how I've been on treatment for over a year now so it would be one more thing to prove that this doc is right and I'm perfectly healthy. HA!

My husband and I have been together for over 20 years. I'm 36. I've been in pain and sick for over half of my life. He's seen me go from bad to worse. When I was 14 I had a bone scan done. They don't just inject radiation into a child unless they're looking for something. They never found what was wrong and at that time my parents didn't know whatelse to do with me and they didn't push for an answer. I've been looking for one since I was able to make appts for myself and not need my parents consent for anything. And finally I thought I had one. J'd ped rheumy believes I had reactive arthritis when I was a teen, which now I believe that too based on the research I've done.

I know too much now. I know I have some type of auto immune arthritis and I'm not about to let some quack make me feel like my symptoms and pain aren't real. I'm not lazy and I'm not crazy. I'm sick.

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