Pregnancy insomnia was something I learned to live with. I woke up at 2:30 AM which was very typical for me during my pregnancy. I laid in bed for a while trying to go back to sleep but decided to get up around 3. I turned on the TV and watched the rest of Deep Blue Sea. After that Full Metal Jacket. Rick got up around 6-6:30 then headed to work. Shortly after that I turned to the local morning news and what I saw I will never forget.
For hours I watched TV. I sat sobbing for every person lost. Every family who would never see their loved one again. For the children who would grow up with their Mommy or Daddy. I also cried for the little baby swimming safe inside me. I couldn't imagine bringing a child into the world after 9/11.
At some point I pulled myself away from the TV to shower. My annual birthday breakfast with my favorite aunt was not going to be taken away from me by some terrorists. After breakfast I went home and was glued to the TV until about 5. After Rick got home we went to my parents for dinner. We had dinner then watched President Bush address the nation. I laid on Rick's lap, crying, while he played with my hair. Again, I was thinking about bringing a new life into our troubled world. I thought we were crazy. I was sure that the attacks in New York and Washington DC were just the beginning of an all out assault on America. As I was thinking the worst was still to come I felt a tiny little tap. Kinda like what a bubble popping would feel like. I brushed it off and figured it was gas. Then it happened again. And again. My Peanut was moving inside me. Tears of sorrow were now tears of joy.
I don't know why I felt Jordan when I did but I needed to at that moment. My entire outlook changed with those tiny taps. Jordan gave me the best birthday gift I could have ever asked for. Every year as we remember those who were lost, I will thank my Peanut for reminding me that even in our darkest hour when we feel hopeless, life will go on.